A tribute to my Dad - 11 March 1933 - 18 August 2026

Today, the 18th of September marks the one month anniversary of Dad's death.

On Tuesday 11th August, I received a call from my brother in law in Portugal. My Dad had had a mini stroke while holidaying with my sister at their apartment in Vilamoura, in the south of Portugal.

Mom, my sister and her 2 grandkids had gone to the supermarket, and when they returned, Dad was on the bathroom floor after a fall some time earlier. He said his left arm and leg were numb, he still communicated well but when they called my brother in law in Cascais, he noticed Dad's mouth was slightly droopy.

Unfortunately the ambulance took almost 1 hour to arrive from Faro, then the paramedics took an eternity to evaluate him, then another 40 minutes or so drive to  Faro hospital. 

At 93 years of age (he suffered from high blood pressure for which he was medicated and also took blood thinners, and had a pacemaker put in 2 or 3 years ago), the Doctor's prognosis wasn't too concerning.

Unfortunately the next day, one of the hospital orderlies fed him soup for lunch! He shouldn't have been given any solids or liquids yet, and this caused him to develop aspiration pneumonia!

The hospital was understaffed and overwhelmed by the high influx of tourists and local patients enjoying their Summer break in the Algarve. It was suggest it would be best if Dad could be moved to Cascais Hospital in his area of residence. On admission in Cascais, the Doctor was quite blunt with my Mom, explaining that the pneumonia made his outlook worse than the stroke, and told her the family should prepare for the worst!

Hearing those news I decided to book a flight for the next day, and  arrived in Portugal late afternoon of the 15th.

My younger sister Luisa, had arrived from South Africa that morning, my niece Nadine had arrived from Los Angeles that morning too. My daughter Karina had been holidaying with her husband and 3 other French couples in the north of Portugal and both of them had already driven to Cascais to be close to my Mom.

Patients in the Observation Rooms, were only allowed one visitor a day for 30 minutes, either at 10,30am or 6,30pm slot.  Fortunately, because many of us had flown in from afar and Dad's prognosis was poor, a Doctor had granted our family permission to visit him in pairs during both daily visits. Naturally other families complained when they saw us go in 2 x 2...

On my first visit Dad was conscious, wearing an oxygen mask, he was surprised to see me, even saying "You here!" since I had left Portugal only 6 weeks before.  

Communication was difficult, but he managed to write words on a whiteboard my sister took. But he kept repeating that he was "so tired", which was quite distressing.

When we arrived for the evening visit on the 18th of August, all the families were kept waiting outside the Observation rooms while the receptionist went inside to make sure we could go in.

Fifteen minutes passed before she came out and addressed our family saying the Dr wanted to speak to us. The Doctor then informed us that Dad had just died 5 minutes earlier but we could go in and say our goodbyes.

I firmly believe that Dad had passed away a while before they noticed. The death certificate indicates the time of death as 6,35pm, yet we had been waiting outside to be called in since about 6,15pm. Mom was upset that she hadn't been there to hold his hand at the end and she still believes he wasn't cared for properly due to the overcrowding and the fact that younger people receive priority care over the elderly. Quite possible!

I'm grateful most of the family was there with him during his last few days and hope he felt loved and cared for. I'm glad that I flew back to see him again, even if it was only for 3 days before his death. 

The wake was held on Friday 21st at a Church in Cascais and was attended by well over 100 people. The funeral was held the following day, and we had a very unusual (for Portugal) funeral with eulogies written by all the grandchildren, daughters and sons-in-law, read by my brother in law, 2 nieces, a cousin and my Dad's oldest friend from his army days, also wrote a beautiful eulogy!

In the end my Mom recited a poem that she had written for him "Your hands, my love" and my niece Tania and a friend, sang a song that she used to sing with my Dad - "Love Letters" (Cartas de Amor, a 1950's song by Tony de Matos). We laughed and we cried, but it was a very special ceremony. Then the casket was transported for cremation.

A few days later most of the overseas family returned home, but I flew back on the 14th, then spent a day in Doha with Karina and got back home on the 17th.

I was able to be there for my Mom, to help her sort out paperwork, to donate Dad's clothing, etc.

During these last few days in Portugal, with my sister's help I managed to make a digital photo-album with photos from my Dad's childhood to the most recent ones from his last trip with us to Malta in June 2026. We were lucky to have had that fun time together.💗 Also included are the eulogies from the family, my Mom's poem, the lyrics of the song my niece sang, a poem my Dad had written about a bird and a dog he had as a child and a short story he wrote about his memories of his Dad, the lack of food during World War II, etc, etc. It was a story only my Mother knew about and we all cried reading it.

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Named Antonio, he was the last of 5 children, born on the 11th March 1933. He lost his Dad at the age of 7, the family ran a small guesthouse, and his mother had to look after it on her own, as well as looking after 5 kids.

My Dad with his two older sisters

In the army

He married Mom in Mozambique where he had served in the Army, in May 1959, they had 3 daughters, 6 grandchildren (3 girls and 3 boys) and 6 great-grandchildren (4 girls and 2 boys) which he very much adored.

13 May 1959

Dad holding me - 1960

Mom & Dad with the 3 daugthers

He was a quiet man, with a good heart and family values. He wanted his kids and grandkids to have a stable life, and worried a lot about my younger sister and her family living in South Africa. Whenever he played the lottery he would say "If I win this money will go towards setting them up in Portugal"!

He had a good singing voice, had sung since he was a young man, mostly Fado (traditional Portuguese songs) and ballads. 

He was a good darts player,  played Sudoku on his mobile phone, and was an avid amateur photographer, having contributed with some of his photos to a few online platforms. (I take after him, always taking photos)

Even at 93 he was quite good on the internet and a big fan of searching for the best deals on products before shopping.  He had a very good mathematical brain and easily remembered prices of products, and could tell you that the week before he had bought a certain product for this amount, but this week that product was now xxx cents or euros more expensive!

Because of that, when he watched "The price is right" on TV he was very good at guessing the prices. He should have applied to be a guest 😀.

At home he was the "food shopper" and "soup maker" and no one could stack a dishwasher better than him... or so he thought, as no one was allowed to do it! Now my Mom doesn't know how to operate it and I had to put stickers on the buttons so she knows the sequence if she wants to use it 😉.

2017 - At my grandson's christening with the 3 daughters and husbands, 6 grandkids and 3 partners, and the first 2 great-grandchildren at the time.

8 March 2025 - 4 generations anniversary, when Dad celebrated his 92nd birthday with 3 daughters, 2 son's in law, 2 grandchildren and their husbands and 2 great-grandchildren

 

On Mom's 88th birthday, February 2026

Jose and I, my sister, brother in law and niece, celebrating Mom and Dad's
67th wedding anniversary 13 May 2026 

On our way to Malta in 11th to 18th June 2026, Dad's last trip

                    

Malta June 2026